The Miracle of Life

It’s been a while since I have written a blog…partially out of laziness and partially because for the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy I was trying to keep a secret…and I couldn't imagine what else to write about these days! Keeping our little baby a secret is even harder than it seems, and just as hard for our parents and grandparents (thank you for being such good secret keepers!).

As I am reaching my 15^th week of pregnancy, I am realizing why people refer to pregnancy as the miracle of life. One night (early on in the pregnancy), Danny and I watched the 80’s documentary The Miracle of Life (you know, the one they show you in 7^th grade sex ed?)…it’s actually really interesting to watch as an adult (and not as shocking and graphic as it was in 7^th grade). I see our baby as a miracle…and the more I read, learn, and ultrasounds I see, the more I think to myself “God is so amazing.” I have always been in awe of babies, but never knew how much I could fall in love with seeing our little 7- week-old baby’s heartbeat on the ultrasound screen. It truly is amazing, and gives me a glimpse into how my parents felt/feel about me.

I will admit, pregnancy has been a roller coaster of emotions…one day I feel great and I am excited, and the next day I am terrified. Danny has been so wonderful and encouraging, and on my terrified days I am reminded at what a wonderful father he will be. Becoming a mom is such blessing, and I keep praying that I will be the kind of mom that my mom was to me. Every day I have a new memory of something she did that made me feel loved…very similar to the type of memories that came to me for the first full year after her death. The other day I remembered that on Fridays when my brothers and I got home from school, my mom would have a fresh-baked cookie cake waiting for us to enjoy...and Friday nights always involved friends coming over and pizza.  Our friends loved coming over to our house and they always told us that we have "the coolest mom," and deep down I knew it was true. I also remember the way she woke me up in the morning for school, singing to me and helping me pick out my outfit...she always knew how to help me get my day started feeling joyful (even when I was crabby and whiny). I am realizing that although her absence in my life has been so hard over the years, especially during my pregnancy, these memories are reminding me and teaching me about the kind of mom I want to be.

Be Still

I just wanted to share a video/song that was passed on to me. It is a great reminder to be still and know that He is God. No matter what is going on in our lives, we always have the opportunity to sit before God and remember who He is.

What a blessing it is to know Him...

Be Still

His Kindness, My Repentance

It is the kindness of the Lord that leads us to repentance…Romans 2:4

This is a phrase in scripture that echoes in my mind a lot.  Sometimes I am just walking to work and it pops into my mind…sometimes I wake up with this verse on my mind…and sometimes I have to remind myself of this when I need hope in a situation, a person’s life, or my own life. This phrase often brings me to tears because it stirs something in my heart that I cannot explain. I believe God has put this phrase in my life as an echoing mission, something that He wants me to live out in my daily life and hopefully others will be drawn to His kindness as a contagious result.  In my own life it was (and still is) His kindness that surprised(es) me, and drew(draws) me to believe and repent.  This is a constant process, and when I forget of His kindness, I also forget of my need for His kindness...and I can feel it in a heaviness and lack of true joy. But then when I am reminded of His kindness…I am once again surprised and amazed.

Danny’s grandpa past away last week…and when we were with him in his last days, this verse was on my heart. What a wonderful man and grandfather...we were so blessed to have him in our lives. 


Through the death of Christen, this verse echoed as people in grief trusted God for the first time because of who God was in her life. When I see my cousins’ babies Tommy and Jack, I see life and God’s goodness and kindness…the goodness of God's creation that draws people in to believe. I believe it is in death and new life that we see so much of God’s strength and kindness in our lives.  So many days I miss it...God help me to cling to Your kindness...

Here are the lyrics of one of my favorite songs by Chris Tomlin based on this verse:

Open up the skies of mercy
And rain down the cleansing flood
Healing waters rise around us
Hear our cries Lord let them rise

It's Your kindness Lord
That leads us to repentance
Your favor Lord, is our desire
It's Your beauty Lord
That makes us stand in silence
Your love
Is better than life

We can feel
Your mercy falling
You are turning our hearts back again
Hear our praises rise to heaven
Draw us near Lord
Meet us here

Moving

Over the past year, Danny and I have been looking into buying a place.  Not because we are positive we want to live in Chicago forever (which is a question we have been asked quite a bit), but because at this point in our lives we would rather be paying a mortgage than rent, and we really want to invest ourselves in a community. Over the summer we found a place right down the street from us which was a “short sale”. We really liked it, we already loved our neighborhood (Roscoe Village) and we thought it made sense to buy it. As many of you know, the short sale process can be tricky and ironically a very long process.  Over the course of the 7 months we were waiting on the short sale, God started tugging on Danny’s heart about a particular corner of Chicago (Division and Clybourn). He started reading about it, walking around and praying there, however he didn’t want to tell me until he felt really sure about it.  We found out in December that our short sale fell through, and Danny said, “God has been speaking to me about somewhere else...” and he told me all about it. At first when he said, “well, it actually used to be Cabrini Green…” I froze inside because when I was in high school, I heard horror stories of Cabrini Green. However, he went on to tell me about the new park, the community garden, the new buildings and the restoration happening there. During the peak of the housing market, a developer started building town houses and mid-rises but then ran out of money during the downturn. The city of Chicago bought the property and are using it as sort of an experiment. Rather than pushing the low-income community out, they made it into mixed income housing where a variety of people can own and live. While there are mixed emotions within the community regarding this experiment, Danny and I are both energized by the idea of being a part of a community that is being restored.  We want to be part of that restoration and get involved in the community. 

We went to look at the last unit in the mid-rise building on the corner Danny was drawn to, and it actually sold while we were looking at it (another person looking at it literally pulled out his check book in front of us!).  The realtor told us that there is actually one townhouse (these are connected to the building) that will be for sale because it is the model home and the last town house just sold that week.  We went to look at it and loved it.  Just walking around we felt a peace and excitement that we have not felt looking anywhere else. It is way more spacious than we thought we could afford and it has a front yard…which is a miracle in Chicago. After we said, “We’ll take it!”…there have been many more confirmations that this is where we are supposed to be.  This whole process has been convicting and eye opening to me…for some reason I never really thought about God speaking to us about a home to buy, and we didn’t really seek Him when putting an offer down on the short sale.  However through this process, I have been amazed by His direction and provision. God wants to be involved in all parts of our lives….little and big…and this has been a really good reminder to me. We move in this weekend and we will keep you posted on what we are learning and experiencing.

A Beautiful Life

As I mentioned in my first post, there are a number of reasons blogging has been on my heart a lot lately. However one main reason is a few weeks ago I lost someone very dear to me, Christen Ringle. Christen was a friend and mentor to me, and she lived a beautiful life. Her love and passion for Jesus inspired my life and all the lives around her. As I sat at her funeral and saw her open casket, and let the songs of the choir sing over me as I cried, all I could whisper to myself is God you are good. The emotional roller coaster of losing Christen is still going…so much pain, yet so much beauty and joy all at the same time.  Deep down I know Christen is with Jesus and there truly is no place she would rather be. But when I look at her beautiful children Audrey and Hudson, and I see her wonderful husband Joe and her sweet mom Genie—my heart aches for their loss. As I have been remembering different things about Christen…I wanted to write them down. Down the road, I want Audrey and Hudson to be able to read about their mom and learn more about her each day…and I thought one way I could contribute is write what Christen meant to me during the phase of life God allowed me to live life with her.

I met Christen at Campus Crusade for Christ (Cru) at Illinois State University. The first time I met her I thought “wow she is so beautiful.” As I got to know her, she became more and more beautiful because I loved her heart so much. Shortly after I got to know her, she started “discipling” (a Cru term for mentoring) me.  We met once a week and prayed together, talked about life and read books together. Two books she walked through with me that were particularly impactful were Robert McGee’s “The Search for Significance” and Larry Crabb’s “Inside Out.” Working through and discussing these books with Christen not only bonded us together as we realized a lot of our life experiences were parallel, but it was also a time of healing and restoration in my life. Christen’s faith in Christ and His ability to save, heal and deliver were so evident in her life, and each time we were together I walked away with more passion and excitement for the Lord. I always remember on the background of her phone she had the text banner “LOVE WELL.” She also had it written on a few different things she carried around with her…and when I asked her about it, she said it was something that God really spoke to her about at summer project, and she really wants to dedicate her life to loving God and the people in her life well.  And that she did…she spoke encouragement to everyone she met, she made people laugh and even if you were having the worst day, her smile and joy could make it better. She served people, her heart broke for people who were lost or hurting, and she prayed and praised God in all things.


What a beautiful life who loved so many, so well.

Pale Shadows

I once heard that the people, places, and things in life that we cherish the most are just pale shadows compared to what God has in store for us.  This phrase has always stuck with me...imagining that the most cherished times in my life...my dearest loved ones...the most amazing food I have ever tasted...are all pale shadows compared to God's greatness and glory. As I imagine shadow puppets on the wall, I am reminded that while they look (sometimes) like what they are supposed to be, they lack the detail and realness of what they are mimicking.  It's hard for my mind to wrap around the idea of my most cherished people and parts of life as pale shadows because of how much they mean to me. However, when I truly reflect on the vastness of God (to the amount that my human mind can try to understand), I await and yearn for the day when my most cherished things become shadows; to quote one of my favorite hymns...the things of this earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His Glory and Grace.


I am starting this blog for a number of reasons...one of which I will address in my next entry. As many of you know, I blogged for one year while I was on the World Race...to share where I was, what I was doing, and the lives that impacted my life. Almost 4 years have passed and while I am working a 9-5 job and living in the city of Chicago, I believe God is doing just as much in my life as he was on the World Race...and I want to share those things. I am hoping to share my life and heart in hopes that it will resonate with yours.