The Miracle of Life

It’s been a while since I have written a blog…partially out of laziness and partially because for the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy I was trying to keep a secret…and I couldn't imagine what else to write about these days! Keeping our little baby a secret is even harder than it seems, and just as hard for our parents and grandparents (thank you for being such good secret keepers!).

As I am reaching my 15^th week of pregnancy, I am realizing why people refer to pregnancy as the miracle of life. One night (early on in the pregnancy), Danny and I watched the 80’s documentary The Miracle of Life (you know, the one they show you in 7^th grade sex ed?)…it’s actually really interesting to watch as an adult (and not as shocking and graphic as it was in 7^th grade). I see our baby as a miracle…and the more I read, learn, and ultrasounds I see, the more I think to myself “God is so amazing.” I have always been in awe of babies, but never knew how much I could fall in love with seeing our little 7- week-old baby’s heartbeat on the ultrasound screen. It truly is amazing, and gives me a glimpse into how my parents felt/feel about me.

I will admit, pregnancy has been a roller coaster of emotions…one day I feel great and I am excited, and the next day I am terrified. Danny has been so wonderful and encouraging, and on my terrified days I am reminded at what a wonderful father he will be. Becoming a mom is such blessing, and I keep praying that I will be the kind of mom that my mom was to me. Every day I have a new memory of something she did that made me feel loved…very similar to the type of memories that came to me for the first full year after her death. The other day I remembered that on Fridays when my brothers and I got home from school, my mom would have a fresh-baked cookie cake waiting for us to enjoy...and Friday nights always involved friends coming over and pizza.  Our friends loved coming over to our house and they always told us that we have "the coolest mom," and deep down I knew it was true. I also remember the way she woke me up in the morning for school, singing to me and helping me pick out my outfit...she always knew how to help me get my day started feeling joyful (even when I was crabby and whiny). I am realizing that although her absence in my life has been so hard over the years, especially during my pregnancy, these memories are reminding me and teaching me about the kind of mom I want to be.